The light went on for me when I read a book called “Behind The 8 Ball” by Linda Berman and Mary-Ellen Siegal. I recommend this book to ANYONE trying to deal with a loved ones gambling addiction. Stop trying to control Q’s actions was was the first thing I learned. Before reading this book, I would leave work early to drag Q out of the casino if I thought he was there. I was trying to control what he was doing while I was at work 30 miles away, not real fun. Trying to control a gambling addict is one of the signs of an enabler. Coming to Q’s rescue at the casino was one of the ways I was enabling him because I would come and pull him out before he lost everything. He didn’t have to rely on his own free will to stop pulling the slot machine lever.

The next point may seem obvious to an outsider, but I had to stop making empty threats to Q. During the real tough times, I can’t count how many times I kicked Q out of the house, only to let him back a couple of hours later. I felt sorry for him sleeping in the truck. Once I realized what I was doing I made the following statement to him; “I can’t say next time you go to the casino I will kick you out, because you and I both know it’s not true. I can say that if you continue down this path I will snap someday and our marriage will be done. I don’t know what that breaking point will be, I can’t say it’s next time you gamble or 5 trips to the casino later, but I will say that I’m close to a breaking point.” I think this statement to Q drove the point home that he needed to find a way to stop gambling. Did he stop the next day? NO. Are we in the clear yet? NO. Is he finally on the right path? YES.

I could go on forever with this question. If I don’t get any for next week, I will continue with this one. Keep the questions coming. Either leave it in a comment or email me at questions [at] downonourluck [dot] com.

I can’t resist taking a risk here and stating that Q has been doing really well (as far as I’m aware of) with staying out of the casino. I’ve become pretty good at reading the signs that he gives off when he’s lying so I have to say that I do believe him when I ask and he says “no”.

Q had a real breakthrough last time he went to the casino and lost his paycheck. He had been going to a branch where he didn’t sign the contract to be banned and had not been thrown out yet, so security did not know him that well. Last time he lost his check, he went up to the security desk and asked them to take a picture of him (with the hat on this time); the security officer then told him that he could be thrown out and into jail right then and there, but because he was asking for help he’d give him a break. He also brought home the business card of the security officer and gave it to me.

He has not been to the casino since and I am extremely proud of him. Now I’m going to go and place my Karma Cap upon my head and hope this doesn’t bite me in the butt.

I usually take my birthday as a time to reflect on where I am in life and to possibly start a new good habit for myself. My mom sent me a check for a decent amount of money which I received on Saturday. I was tempted to go out and buy some new clothes with this money, but I really need to do something to get myself in shape instead. If I could drop 30 pounds, I have at least 3 pairs of jeans in my closet that would fit me. Why should I waste the money on new clothes when I have perfectly good ones waiting to be worn once more. I know this is easier said than done, but starting tomorrow, I’m going to commit myself to reserving 10 minutes every morning to working out. To help me out with this, I’m going to be ordering the Beachbody 10 minute workout. Q thinks I’m crazy and I’m not going to commit to this, but I think spending the money will keep me committed.

It takes 20 days to build a habit and I’ll be committing to my 10 minutes every morning right when I wake up. If I don’t do this right away, I’ll make excuses not to work out at all and then Q will be right. I think this will give more more energy during the day as well so I can either get something done at home in the evening.

So, it dawned on me that I want to get my blogs transferred as soon as possible; to make for an extremely busy weekend. However, I need to keep true to the conscious decisions I made this week to keep myself sane.
more cat pictures

1. Even though my dream is to be working for myself (soon I hope) I cannot sacrifice relationships and quiet time; this doesn’t help myself or Q in his recovery process. Coming home and just crashing on the couch is not the way I want to spend my life; besides, it’s not productive. I think Josh stated it best in his post: How to Make the Switch to Working Online – Part 1, “Start small and allow yourself to have a life outside of the Internet and your work.” Allowing a life outside of the Internet is my biggest battle. Tomorrow Q is going to help some friends out, I’m going to make sure to make some “me” time, do some rummaging, take a dip in the hot tub, and rest outside in the shade. There’s only about 4 months in Wisconsin that can really be spent outdoors and I need to start taking advantage of them. While resting, I’ll be writing ideas and blog posts down so I can take advantage of the quiet time and fresh air.
2. On the other hand, the weekends are my productive times where I get the most done. I read a post the other day (I can’t remember where) that pretty much stated, “You’re not going to make any money just sitting on your butt doing nothing, so get to work”.

Finding a middle road between relaxation and working to the point of exhaustion is a difficult position to find. Once I find it, I’m sure it will be my happy place.

Which end of the spectrum are you on?

This weekend, my RSS inbox will be cleaned up and I’ll need to consider which feeds are valuable and worth my time. Relaxation is important also, so the two feeds that I subscribe to for entertainment will not be going away; everything else is fair game. Once that is done I’m sure reading my feeds will definitely be a productive time for me instead of a daunting task.

Cleaning and organizing my desk is next on the list. Walking up to this mess and thinking I’m going to get anything done is just crazy. All I see if a stack of reminders of unfinished business and things to get done. Not a great way be productive.
Someone I know once said, “A clean desk is a sign of a crazy mind”, which I believe is true and knowing myself, the desk will never be spotless. On the other hand, there is definitely a problem with going to far to the other extreme, which is what this is.

Feel free to share your ideas.